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Desire  -  Part Two

AFTER THE POST A Game-Changing Approach to Goals, my inbox was flooded with responses overwhelming in both volume and depth.

 

I so appreciate every one of your heartfelt (pain-filled, hope-filled) emails. As always, I’m reading every single one, & although the answers to some of your career & existential crises are beyond the scope of this blog (more book than blog), the fact that I sometimes felt alone on my journey makes me want to stand by you on yours all the more.

So, in this post I’ll touch on three of your most common questions:

#1

How do I revive desire after soul-crushing disappointment or failure?

#2

What do I do when I feel stuck in an unfulfilling career or in a less-than-ideal situation?

#3

How do I handle the reactions of people in my life that would be affected, & even disappointed, if I followed my innermost desires?

While seemingly taking the most circuitous route to pursuing my desires & dreams, I experienced all three of the aforementioned in heaping doses. And although I’m an expert on only one life– mine, here are a few things I’ve learned so far, starting with the question:

 

“How do I handle the reactions of people in my life that would be affected, & even disappointed, if I followed my innermost desires?”

 

There’s no getting around that sometimes when we are true to ourselves, we disappoint others.

 

What lights us up doesn’t always light others up.

 

Sometimes we court bigger dreams than others are comfortable with. Sometimes we hold a dream no one can see but us. Sometimes we have to see ourselves beyond the vision of others.

 

Although our dreams & desires are powerful, at times, they can also be fragile & vulnerable, in need of protection & nurture.

 

Keep in mind that people are often challenged by & uncomfortable with change. And therefore, are invested in maintaining us as we are. Or as we were.

 

If this is the case with you, be open to adding new friends to your circle – friends who are mutually supportive of each other’s BIGGIE dreams. They may be rare, but they will appear. And when they do, cherish them. (Online kinfolk count too!)

Avoid Comparisons

It’s fabulous to be inspired by others’ desires but unwise to compare them to your own.

 

For instance, my husband & I have never owned a home. Because that falls wildly outside the status quo, there were times I questioned our lifestyle until I realized that it fit like a glove with our semi-nomadic mindset. That is to say, we want to be able to pick up & move to discover & explore new places whenever & as often as we’d like.

 

This made sense once I discovered that two of our shared core desires are freedom & adventure. Even our businesses are set up with this in mind. This works for us. But for most others, homeownership supports core desires of security, safety, connection & community. This works for them. To each his own.

 

Desire what you desire - unapologetically. When we're not trying to please other people, we begin to understand what's right for us.

 

And as we evolve, so does the clarity & acceptance of our deepest desires.

Lose the rules.

Take young Albert Einstein, for instance, who asked so many questions at school that his teachers chastised him for being a disturbance & admonished him that he would get nowhere in life unless he learned to follow the rules & behave like the other kids.

 

Drown out the external noise. Be guided by your spirit. Be still—very, very still—and know.

 

It’s not necessary to accept the choices handed down to you by life as you know it. Don’t let your choices be limited by circumstances.  No one HAS to do something (s)he doesn’t want to do for the rest of their lives.

 

Life is not supposed to be a weary slog. There’s more to our go-around here on earth than the grin-and-bear-it approach.

 

If anything in your life isn’t working the way you want it to, try something new.

“The more that is shed that is outgrown & useless, the more room for the supreme pleasure of what actually fits.”

 

Tosha Silver

 

For those of you who find yourselves in or pursuing a life or career that society considers prestigious, but which is not intrinsically devoted to your desires— one that does not fulfill you on a day-to-day basis,  I’d say that, definitions belong to the definers, not the defined as Toni Morrison so memorably wrote in Beloved.

 

So how do we create a life that gives us deep fulfillment through meaning, flow & freedom?  A life full of joy & impact & love?

 

Perhaps Aristotle answered that best, “Where the needs of the world and your talents cross, there lies your vocation.”

 

Because knowing what you love & what you’re freakishly good at & offering it to the world (in my experience) is the quickest path to career fulfillment & freedom.

 

 

Do what only you were born to do. Do what makes your heart sing.

 

 

Although there may be seasons that we make a living doing one thing & make a life by another, decide how you want to live & pursue what you can do to make a living within that way of life.

 

You may begin by discovering what you might do to compliment your current career, even including motherhood (aka the holy work of raising human beings), if you so desire.

 

I have friends who use the words motherhood & entrepreneurship in the same sentence & with equal authority.

 

While I consider motherhood to be the hardest & most important work conceivable (pardon the pun), mothers are still individuals–fascinating & complex, with enormous layers & desires outside of motherhood.

Zeal

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You are ready for & worthy of your dreams & desires.

If there is a flame inside you that life is meant to be more than what it has been, decide right HERE, right NOW, you are going to find a way to make your dreams come true.

“Imagine immensities, don’t compromise, and don’t waste time.”

 

Debbie Millman

And when obstacles rise up, & they will (all part of the fun), let your main focus be on where you are headed.

 

Where the only thing you can see is your desire fulfilled – your dreams a forgone conclusion.

 

Where you place your innermost desires at the center of your day, week, year. Where the decisions you make joyfully move you in the direction of your dreams.

 

Where nothing disturbs you, ‘cause you, my friend, are on a mission.

 

Consider Thomas Edison who the morning after his factory was virtually destroyed by fire said, “There is great value in disaster.  All our mistakes are burned up. Thank God we can start anew.”

Failure is inescapable.

We must train ourselves to be compassionate about our failures.

 

Our past failures do not have to limit who we are or what is possible for us now. (Think Walt Disney who went bankrupt numerous times before that whole mouse thing happened.)

 

Failure is trial & error. It’s feedback that fuels our awareness & offers invaluable insights– useful data that makes us wiser for the wear. Don’t avoid it; study it.

 

I don’t mean to romanticize failure. Believe me, success is preferable to failure. But if we try too hard to avoid failure, we’ll also avoid success. When failure is not an option, neither are learning, creativity & innovation.

 

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

 

Samuel Beckett

Make mistakes with confidence. (Ditch the shame.)

 

I can’t tell you how many times I gave everything I had & still came up short. And here’s what it taught me:

 

Failure doesn’t mean we’re losers. It means we’re learning something; we’re getting better; we’re developing our craft; we’re figuring out what works & what doesn’t.

 

Turn your handicaps into stepping stones.

 

Don’t be held back by what you do not know – all that is needed can be learned. Life is one continual classroom.

 

It’s never too late to change things up. To realign with who-you-really-are.

 

You have a big, beautiful life to lead.

 

You have unique gifts inside you that need to be released into the world.

 

Give yourself the necessary compassion & love to feel safe & nurtured enough to become your most beautiful, thriving self & make your sacred, holy mark on the world.

 

 

Life’s a grand production. Step into your starring role.

 

Tanya Geisler

 

You have what you need.

 

Moxie up. Invoke grace.

 

You can do it!  I know you can.

 

 

Rooting for you,

 

Cindy

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It's Happy in Here (TM) (Series) |  How to Be Happy  22 Tips to Everyday Bliss  by Cindy O'Krepki  Published by Words That Live On, LLC © 2013 All Rights Reserved.

How to fulfill my dreams? how to find my vocation? How to come back from failure? Thomas Edison quotes? Motherhood and entrepreneurship. How to overcome obstacles.

How can I change?  How do I revive desire after soul-crushing disappointment or failure? What do I do when I feel stuck in an fulfilling career or in a less-than-ideal situation?

How do I handle the reactions of people in my life that would be affected, & even disappointed, if I followed my innermost desires?